Coaching Conversations on perfectionism

A coaching client and I have been talking about perfectionism in our recent sessions, and how this is a struggle many people in our society understand. Some things we discussed:

There is real strength in letting ourselves be seen as we are: tender, imperfect, and sometimes a little messy. It’s easy to miss in a culture that rewards image over substance.

The drive toward perfection isn’t just vanity; it’s often a form of protection. For many, it was armor built during early experiences of shame or insecurity. We learned to strive because striving earned approval. We learned to perfect and perform because vulnerability, at some point, felt unsafe.

So when we speak of letting go of perfectionism, we’re not just talking about easing up, we’re talking about dismantling a defense system that once served an important purpose.

That kind of change doesn’t happen all at once. It requires a slow, steady reconnection to our authentic self. Small acts of courage, like admitting a mistake without making excuses, or asking for help when we feel overwhelmed, can begin to build the internal trust needed to loosen our grip. Over time, we can trust that peace doesn’t come from performing well, but from being known.

What’s a moment when you chose vulnerability over perfection, and what did you learn from it?